As-Is

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What kind of stinky bullshit is this?

A friend if mine reposted this on social media today, from a Dr. Laura page (screaming in head). To me, and I’m not referencing these statements to my friend, but these words sound like the words of someone who is growing tired of waiting for her Prince Charming and may settle for Mr. Less-than-charming in hopes to mold him because no one is getting any younger here, am I right?!

sharp exhale

My philsophy is that the person who will best suit you for the long term is the person that you don’t have to change. Yeah, so its going to take you a little longer in your pursuit, but one person in a relationship should ever have to change the another to attain happiness. You should love one another as-is, or get the hell out and find someone you’re actually compatible with and let the other move on with the freedom to be themselves. It is perfectly okay to realize you’re not compatible. Find the one who is already made just for you and you will conquer the world together. But even more than that, expect and accept that you and that person will always have your differences. They may be big, or they may be a series of trivial differences, but they will exist. Deal with it.

Demanding someone to change things about themselves that you simply don’t like, and are not harmful (such as drugs, abuse, et al, would be), is manipulation. Pure and simple. Asking someone to stop leaving wet puddles from the shower on the bathroom floor because you’ve almost broken your neck for the second time this week is much different than demanding they stop wearing their hair short because you prefer longer hair and putting them down til they relent and grow it out only to discover that you also don’t like t-shirts. Or their laugh. Or the Seahawks.

“The best love is one that makes you better without changing you into someone other than yourself.”

Don’t expect someone to change for you. You will not be happy waking up one day and thinking “This is not the Prince Charming I married all those years ago. What happened to that guy?”.

Addicted to Depression

Why is everyone depressed? Why are they so easily affected by every little thing? Doesn’t it ever get old or does it become a cycle? An addiction? Can someone really be addicted to depression? To chaos, struggle and conflict? And why aren’t their medications working?

I was depressed in my teens, 20’s, 30’s. Small bouts through my forties, but in the last couple of years has allowed them one day or less before eviction. It just got easier. I was forged by fire and now I’m strong. I never let them win today. I walk away. I have self respect. Real self respect.

Erasure
Grief
Injury
Rape
Death
Abuse

I’ve been through things that would horrify you. I don’t talk about most of them because of that copy of a copy of a copy “face of pity” when no pity is warranted. Because I fought and won all of my battles. I never gave up on myself. Even when I thought I was a turd.

I won. I have no depression to speak of because it is narrowed down to a fleeting funk in part of a random day. I reset every day and don’t carry much in the forefront of my mind, so I don’t dwell. It would have to be really big. Like a death. Otherwise, forget it. I don’t need “encouraging” memes that depressos line their cages with. I actually learned by those words and lived them. Now, the quotes that fetch my brain ate quotes if success, empowerment and love.

My life is good and abundant in all of the important ways. I am happy. When I’m not, I fix it. Fast. And I’m happy again. I have the technology. I have ten joys for every sorrow. Challenges are met, deemed temporary and targeted for elimination. And that’s one of the best parts. Nothing bad lasts. So far, I believe that my secret is to never let a day pass without reflecting on things I am grateful for. This has been the toughest place for me to reach, but I’m here. I’m addicted to joy.

As for some others out there, they’re depressed. All the time. But, not in the clinical, getting help and rising above sense. Something is wrong, chaotic, stressful, etc. all the time and they appear to seek out that misery and chaos constantly. It’s an addiction and they share their whack pipe with the 15 friends with depression who flock to their misery. And those friends have 15 more depressed friends, and on and on and on. Enablers enabling enablers, all caught in the drain. Someone call the plumber.

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Hole in the Bucket

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1. This is emotional blackmail. It implies that your relationship is in jeopardy based on YOUR actions when the other person is unable to control their negative thoughts and untrue beliefs that manifest from those. This is in no way up to you. No matter what you do, the other person will not gain control of their emotions and will trap you into a codependent cycle as a sole source of personal, yet false, sense of security.

2. Again, the person needs to develop their own sense of value and worth and not solely rely on another person to provide that for them. There is a hole in their bucket that needs fixed by a professional and no matter how many times you fill up that bucket, it will never hold.

3. If you really want to support her, support her wellness, not her illness.

Government “hand-outs”

“Government handouts”. The shittiest thing you can say to someone with a disability or health issue.

“You scum-sucking leeches. Why don’t you get a job and quit mooching my tax dollars? Loser. Scoundrel. Lick my noble boots.”

My father worked his whole life, had savings, had an IRA and a long career and a job with medical benefits. Then, he got cancer. He was terminated from his job, lost his health insurance and was frequently in the hospital while everything like his rent, phone, electric, etc. were being paid using the resources he had on hand. His brother even stole his inheritance from their mother’s estate. Month after month every cent he owned dwindled as medical bills mounted and his health got worse. Eventually, he lost his independence, his home, cashed out his IRA with penalties, was evicted from Kootenai Health because of an inability to pay and eventually moved to assisted living to spend his last months and die absolutely penniless and hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt.

If not for his “handout”, he would have probably been homeless and dying an agonizing death God-knows-where when the cancer finally went into his spinal fluid. He’d have lost all the dignity of a hard working man who led a good life and was a good person.

So, if you think a “government handout” is something vile and abhorrent, then you can cram it. Deep. I hate you.

The Falling Ewe

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It seems that almost all of the women that I considered to be strong women have fallen for the narrative of women being perpetual victims. These women were once independent, strong and considered themselves survivors of their lives – the very reason I was drawn to them as friends or acquaintances. I supported them when they needed it, I listened to them when no one else would, I was a great friend to them – empowering. Then, feminism. Now, they’re professional victims, misandrists and have gone mental and on meds, are emotionally overwhelmed and burdened down by their extreme beliefs, and eventually freaked out and abruptly left my life when I wouldn’t follow as I stood strong in the place they once were.

Then there are their followers, who used to be led by their own independence and free thought who now mimic the sentiments of their lost friends. They aren’t fully assimilated, and don’t even live by the narratives they support. These women simply tip their hand and show their insecurity in having their friends turn on them, much as they did me.

Third wave feminism reminds me of a cult and as I watched it develop, it scared me. I didn’t follow, and as cult mentality works, they cut out the people who constructively supported them and I became “the enemy/bad guy”. Now, I just wonder if I was delusional in believing in the strength, independence and will of those women I knew as I watched them all drop off the same cliff. The good news is that I don’t miss them. I seriously dislike toxic people.

Spokane ≠ Cerebral

When I post comments on pages on Facebook, I shouldn’t have to click “Post”, then sit back and say “Batter up!” every time. Damn, Spokane is full of idiots who have to comment on e-ver-y-thing. Rarely is it of any effect, nor does it contribute to a legitimate debate. It’s just sad and it makes the world a lonely place for those of us who are more… “cerebral”.

This is hugely a Spokane thing. Spokane is fairly isolated, which makes it pretty much culturally stunted. Critical thinking does not grow here. That is too progressive of a concept that these cookie cutter neanderthal redneck types can’t wrap their mind around. There is such a narrow hive mind around here and a severe spelling and grammar impediment that it becomes almost whimsical to count. The credibility of these morons simply does not exist to me and it is obvious that it is a contest to be right, to be a bully, or just troll who has nothing better to do like get a job.

I’m not claiming to be the most intelligent person. Hell, I’m one of those kids who spent my adolescence in “the system”, skipping school through most of high school and dropping out when I got knocked up at age 18. However, I still find myself capable of using my noggin. I pick my battles — battles which I refuse to go into unarmed, so I do some research. I won’t post some asinine Tumblr meme to keep myself as an accepted member of the herd or because it “feels” true. I’m too mature, smart and too self-confident to fall into those trappings and I’m going to die a cynical old witch because of this constantly squealing heterodyne of moronic commentary.

Mad Lib(eral)s

I’m sick of the radical political types who are constantly sucking down their respective Kool-Aid and trying to shame others for being different than them. Not the actual empathetic, compassionate types with a deep social conscience or moral fiber and the ability to truly embrace differences, but the ones who don’t follow their own path, or their own heart even, and just mime crap their cult friends, Fox News or Tumblr say. And they don’t even know it. They default to hating you for being individual and not perfectly aligned to them, making them experience slight emotional discomfort that requires someone to call the wahhhhmbulance.

I am especially dismayed by the whole “If you ________, then you’re _______.” thing where they fill in the blanks and tell ME how I feel, think, or am. Bullshit. Here are some examples from the left and the right:

If you don’t support Jenner, you’re a transphobic hater.

If you’re a Christian, you are a judgemental, righteous prick.

If you don’t support feminism, then you’re a misogynist.

If you’re Hispanic, you must be illegal.

If you eat meat, you’re supporting animal abuse.

If you wear a stars and stripes swimsuit, you hate America and should be jailed.

If you think guns should be legal, you’re a paranoid criminal.

If you support gay marriage, you’re anti-Christian.

If you wear a burka, you’re an Islamic terrorist.

If you aren’t for me, you’re against me.

No. I will NOT accept this sort of thing being said to me and people who say this shit are presumptuous, manipulative, controlling assholes preying on your fears, your insecurities, they threaten to end your friendship, they do end your friendship, they will, at some point, make you feel like shit and they will have no remorse for it. They have detached themselves from their own identity and melted into a collective. They do not need you.

Weak-willed people will always suffer. They will never feel a sense of real empowerment and freedom. They’ll feel good with their words, but their struggle will always live. Always. I am free. I am asking that you look at my face and remember this: I will never be you. No matter who you are. I will never be you. This face, this mind, this body… they belong to me. I am not a copy of a copy of a copy. You will see me as an individual or you will look away and go fall on a fork.